You want a Peace of me!

"You will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you because he trusts in you." Isaiah 26:3 (CEV)



I've found lately I've had to work much harder at achieving that internal peace I so desire. I blame the unrest in my spirit on a certain clandestine dating relationship I've been involved in over the last ten months. My suitor? Menopause. Even though I'm certain I'm much too young to be involved in such a torrid affair, Menopause has been pursuing me relentlessly. I'm a long way from being married to Menopause, but I suspect by the end of next year we will at least make a long-term engagement commitment.



In the beginning, our relationship was quite casual. Menopause started waking me in the middle of the night and like an annoying relative who refuses to leave at the end of a party, Menopause would not let me be. It's nearly impossible for me to meet my necessary nightly requirement of eight hours of sleep since Menopause has been courting me. The sleep deprivation has made it so much easier for Menopause to attack me in the area where I tend to be the most vulnerable ... my emotional state of being.



Menopause has me experiencing a full spectrum of mood swings and meltdowns like a giant emotional pendulum wreaking havoc on my hormones and otherwise stable personality. In a matter of seconds I can go from crying over a sappy email to screaming at whoever forgot to load the dishwasher properly. There is no rhyme or reason and no logical explanation for my hormonal power surges. Life was simpler when I could blame my occasional lapses in my sunny disposition on a PMS outburst.



And what about that five pounds of "water weight" I accused PMS of causing each month? Menopause has attacked me where it can do the greateast amount of damage to my already unstable pysche ... the scale! That unwanted five pounds of "water weight"has taken up permanent residence around my midriff and refuses to leave. What's that all about??? I feel like I have a spare tire around my mid-section. Not quite a 4x4 spare tire, exactly. It's more like one of those little donut tires made for compact cars that are always noticeably smaller than factory tires. You know the one that makes you cringe in embarrassment because it rolls down the street screaming, "I don't belong here! I'm a spare!" That's what the fleshy roll around my waistline is screaming ... "I don't belong here! I'm a spare tire of fatty deposits!"



I've really grown tired of this bothersome relationship, but yet I know Menopause could realistically stalk me for an indeterminate amount of time. Is there a point at which I can throw in the towel and gracefully accept the cosmic joke Mother Nature and Father Time are playing on my body? I admit, there are days it would be so much easier to stay and bed and hide until I feel like myself again. Thankfully, wisdom tells me, this too shall pass, and this Menopause phase, is just that. A phase. Another season of life that I and my sisters must all endure. I'm sure I must have experienced similar emotions when I "dated" puberty all those decades ago - and I obviously survived that ordeal. The difference between dating puberty and Menopause however, was that when puberty was through with me, I was left with a new pair of perky breasts as a consolation prize. I'm concerned about what lovely parting gifts Menopause will leave me ... liver spots, spider veins, saggy breasts??? H'mmm, I wonder if I could get an upgrade on those breasts, please!



Maybe I just need to set Menopause on the trail of a fresh victim and take the focus off of myself. A dear friend of mine is turning 40 later this year. I wonder if it's too soon for her to start dating my bothersome suitor? You never know!



Oh Lord, I pray you will not leave me or forsake me in the middle of this difficult season in my life. Help to balance my out of control hormones and be to able deal with things in a rational manner. Help me not to fly off the handle unnecessarily. Help me not to stress out about the "normal" changes in my body and my weight. I pray for the peace necessary to go through this phase in my life for however long it takes. Amen